Les techniques élémentaires (avec index) Qu'est-ce que la masturbation ? Pourquoi se masturber ? Je dois avoir quel âge pour me masturber ? Se masturber, c'est mal ? Peut-on trop se masturber ? C'est quoi, la fréquence normale ? Mon pénis est-il assez gros ? Petite parenthèse anatomique Comment on fait ? Mouillé, ou à sec ? Quelques grandes « petites questions » La montée vers l'extase Le repos du guerrier Table des matières Chapitre deuxième

Note
aux lecteurs
et aux parents

Veux-tu d'autres raisons ?

Comment expliquer la popularité de la masturbation, sinon en disant que...

. c'est facile ! On n'a pas besoin d'un talent particulier pour réussir cette activité.
. ça ne requiert aucun équipement particulier. Bien qu'une lotion, une gelée lubrifiante, un anneau d'acier ou une courroie de cuir...
. ça peut se faire n'importe où. Qui a dit que le risque ne faisait pas partie du plaisir ?
. ça ne prend pas beaucoup de temps... Contrairement au lavage ou à l'exercice physique !
. c'est un jeu qui se joue à un nombre variable de joueur. À un, deux, trois, quinze... pourquoi pas ?
. ça peut se faire silencieusement... ou très bruyamment !
. ça permet d'être tout-à-fait égoïste. Pour une fois...
. ça ne coûte rien. Ce qui est rare de nos jours !
. ça ne nuit pas à la santé, contrairement à l'alcool ou la cigarette.
. c'est sécuritaire. Pas question de MTS ici !
. ce n'est pas engraissant... Ça fait même perdre des calories !
. c'est relaxant, surtout après une dure journée de travail.
. ça permet de bien dormir, sans médicament !
. ce n'est pas illégal. Et même si ça l'était, comment le saurait-on ?
. ça donne un plaisir incroyable sans même utiliser de drogues !
. ça évite les enfants illégitimes et diminue la violence faite aux femmes. Et donc...
. ce n'est même pas immoral !

Alors où est le problème ?

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Encore d'autres avantages de la masturbation !

Selon Albert Ellis, psychothérapeute et sexologue reconnu. (Tiré de la préface du livre « Human Autoerotic Practices ».)

Sexual Advantages Of Masturbation

People can often achieve better sex through resorting to autoerotic practices than they would achieve if they only resorted to interpersonal sexual contacts. For example :

  1. They can help establish the philosophy that sex is good in, by, and for itself ; and that there is nothing whatever wrong about experiencing it as a fine thing in its own right.
  2. They can explore various kinds of self-stimulation and discover which ones are maximally satisfying for themselves.
  3. They can frequently learn, through masturbating, enjoyable forms of sexuality that they can subsequently use to achieve satisfactory modes of sex participation with others.
  4. They can often judge just how sexually responsive they personally are, and determine how big or little a part they wish sex pleasure to play in their lives.
  5. They can manage to repeat enjoyable arousal and orgasm almost at will, without any restrictions from a sex partner. They can thereby participate in sex more frequently than they are likely to do with other individuals.
  6. They can best schedule their sex activities as well as their resting periods, between activities, since they do not have to depend on the participation of their partners.
  7. They can avoid making undue demands on the time, energy, and sexuality of their partners, thereby often helping these partners have maximum sex satisfaction and minimum pain or frustration.
  8. They can in many cases (especially if they are females) have more intense and more satisfying forms of arousal and orgasm than is likely with their regular or special partners.
  9. They can best train themselves in suitable sexual fantasies, since they have no interferences or distractions from their partners, and may focus on what is most pleasing and useful to themselves in this connection. Once they learn how to fantasize best during masturbation, they can often transfer this learning to their sex affairs with others.
  10. If they have unusual sexual desires or have some kinds of handicaps or deficiencies (such as inability to come to orgasm in a reasonably short period of time), they can often cater to these desires or overcome these handicaps through masturbating than they can with sex partners.
  11. They often can focus better on their own sexual sensations and pleasures than when they are distracted or interfered with by the presence of partners. As in the case of fantasy, their learning to focus may then be transferable to their sex acts with others.
  12. They may be less limited in their use of mechanical objects (such as dildos), special apparatuses (such as vibrators), fetishes (such as certain objects of clothing), or other sex aids than they would with a partner present.
  13. They may be able, in many instances, to engage in much longer periods of arousal and near-orgasm than they would with partners ; they may also be able to prolong the duration of their orgasms.
  14. They may naturally have, with no intent or special technique on their part, more intense orgasms through masturbation than they are likely to have with others ; and they may usually come to orgasm, if they wish to do, much faster through autoerotic practices than through any other mode of sexuality.
  15. During masturbation, they can be observed by a partner, and may thus bring themselves and the partner special arousal and satisfaction. They may also be able to learn about their own sexuality and gratification by their partner's observations.
  16. They may naturally build up considerable sexual tension when they do not have sex play and orgasm ; this kind of tension may be satisfactorily (or more satisfactorily) released through masturbation.
  17. Because they find masturbation easily available and ideal for experimental purposes and because they have minimal restrictions in participating in it, they therefore can practice it at whim and may increase their sex desire and proclivities.
  18. They may have inhibitions about having sex with partners, particularly because they are too shy or ashamed to engage in interpersonal sexuality, and may therefore be afforded a very active sex life despite these kinds of inhibitions.
  19. They may have specific sexual handicaps that prevent them from easily acquiring partners--such as a low sex drive, inability to come to orgasm quickly, or unusually small sex organs ; and they may be able, in spite of these handicaps, to lead an active sex life through masturbation.
  20. They may have specific nonsexual handicaps that prevent them from easily acquiring partners--such as small stature, physical deformity, diseases, or homely features ; and they may be able, in spite of these nonsexual handicaps, to lead an active sex life through masturbation.

Emotional Advantages Of Masturbation

People can often achieve greater emotional health and satisfaction through resorting to autoerotic practices than they would achieve if they only resorted to interpersonal contacts. For example :

  1. They can adopt a philosophy of enjoyment that not only aids them in their sexual but in their general life. They can seek more emotional satisfaction and less pain.
  2. They can especially see the value of giving to themselves, and not merely to others ; and while not becoming entirely autistic or self-centered, they can add a hedonistic philosophy to that of social interest--or choose, if that is their wish, to become more devoted to themselves than to others.
  3. When they are forced by conditions or circumstances to be alone, and this is against their wish and they feel lonely, they can divert themselves into the pleasurable pursuit of masturbation and thus feel much better.
  4. They can use autoerotic pursuits to distract themselves from anxiety, self-downing, depression, and other disturbing feelings. Masturbation will not solve these basic emotional problems ; but as a distraction technique it is one of the best and will at least serve as temporary palliation for emotional distress in innumerable instances.
  5. Masturbation can be used as a shame-attacking and guilt-attacking homework assignment. In rational-emotive therapy (RET) and other forms of cognitive-behavior therapy, a good many « shameful » acts are given as homework assignments for individuals to practice, to show them that nothing is intrinsically « shameful »--that people only attribute « shame » or « guilt » to certain acts. As such an assignment, masturbation can prove very helpful emotionally.
  6. People can use masturbation to gain confidence in their own ability to arouse themselves and bring themselves to orgasm ; and when they gain such confidence, they tend to feel much better and stop downgrading themselves, sexually and in other areas of their lives.
  7. When people's lives are filled with few enjoyments and many frustrations, masturbation can easily remain as one of their frequent pleasures and distractions. It may enhance their lives and make them feel much happier and less depressed.
  8. People can use masturbation as a goal-directing and pro- thinking activity. Given the problem of satisfying themselves sexually, and not having interpersonal outlets easily available, they may think up various forms of masturbatory activities that will help them live more happily ; and they may also develop useful goal-directed attitudes and pursuits in the process.
  9. People can use masturbation as a form of self-exploration, to discover exactly what they like or do not like sexually. Thus, they can explore their own likes and dislikes as well in other important areas of their lives. They can also become more risk taking and adventurous through these avenues of enjoyment.
  10. People can not only distract themselves from disturbed feelings by masturbating, as mentioned above, but they can also directly release bodily and emotional tensions thereby. The release of tension through masturbation frequently helps men and women relax, get ready for other pursuits, and restfully sleep when they want to do so.

Healthful Advantages Of Masturbation

People often achieve greater physical and general health through resorting to autoerotic practices than they would probably achieve if they only resorted to interpersonal contacts. For example :

  1. Undesirable pregnancy and abortion are avoided.
  2. The possibility of acquiring venereal diseases from others and acquiring various other diseases, such as colds, coughs, respiratory ailments, skin infections and the like is minimized.
  3. People often aid their physical healthy by managing to obtain regular sexual release and satisfaction ; and sometimes by going through involved physical exercises as they masturbate.
  4. Women, in particular, may help overcome pre-menstrual tension or other physical conditions association with their menstrual cycles when they masturbate.
  5. Masturbation often leads to relaxed sleeping conditions and to concomitant conditions that aid some people's physical health.
  6. When physically ill or disabled, people can often masturbate when it would not be practical for them to have interpersonal sex experiences, and they may thereby help themselves back to a healthier condition.

Relationship Advantages Of Masturbation

Although masturbation, when resorted to by oneself, is obviously a solitary pursuit, some people actually achieve better relationships with their partners or mates than they would probably achieve if they only engaged in sexual contacts with these partners. For example :

  1. When one partner or mate wants much more sex than the other, masturbation enables one partner to be steadily satisfied and, at the same time, not impose on the other. This kind of consideration for the other partner frequently enhances the love relationship between the two.
  2. When one partner or mate temporarily wants less sex than the other partner--as when one is in the last stages of pregnancy, is ill, or is disabled--masturbation may again enable one partner to be steadily satisfied sexually without imposing on the other. An ill or disabled partner may especially appreciate the other's masturbating ; and their relationship may be considerably bettered thereby.
  3. When one partner wants sex only occasionally or intermittently, the other partner may keep up his or her level of arousal and interest in sex by masturbating, and may therefore be ready for sex when the first partner wants to be available again. Otherwise, both partners might sink into a kind of sexual apathy and inertia and their sex and love lives might be impaired.
  4. People often make themselves hostile toward each other because one partner wants the kind of sex that the other does not, or for various kinds of nonsexual reasons. When they resort to masturbation, they are able to get some of the kind of sex that they cannot obtain from their partner, and thereby hostility abates : since one partner is no longer sexually deprived and the other is not imposed on.
  5. Masturbation allows both partners a large measure of freedom and self-satisfaction ; when they know that they have this freedom they tend to tolerate some of the restrictions of an enduring relationship much better and have a more loving relationship.
  6. Masturbation frequently helps bring about better attitudes on the part of both partners toward themselves and toward others.
  7. People who resort to masturbation when they are mated and who find unusual or extra satisfactions in this kind of autoerotic activity tend to feel less overconstrained by the mating relationship and to adjust better to their partners.
  8. As noted previously, people who learn self-satisfying sex acts in the process of masturbating can often bring these acts to their participation with others and thereby enhance their interpersonal sex relations.

Other Advantages Of Masturbation

Millions of people throughout the world have always found and still find a great many other advantages when they resort to masturbation that they would not find if they only participated in interpersonal contacts. For example :
  1. They save a great deal of time and energy arranging for masturbatory pursuits rather than always having to arranged for interpersonal sex.
  2. They can easily intersperse their masturbatory activities with nonsexual acts, while they often do not do the same with their interpersonal sex contacts.
  3. They can masturbate with just about no paraphernalia, room requirements, space requirements, etc ; while they often have trouble in these respects when having sex with a partner.
  4. They can engage in masturbation most inexpensively, while other forms of sex often require some kind of monetary outlay.
  5. They can easily and quickly keep themselves out of potential sex, love, or general trouble by resorting to masturbation. If they could not masturbate, they might sometimes be tempted to resort to various kinds of unethical or criminal behavior.
  6. They can use masturbation in symbolic, religious, value laden, and other ways and, if they wish, derive unification experiences and other profound nonsexual experiences from engaging in it.

You will note some fifty advantages of masturbation. The list is hardly exhaustive and could undoubtedly be increased to more than a hundred.
All of which proves what ? Merely that autoeroticism is a major and important part of human behavior.

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Et voici ce qu'un autre auteur pense de la masturbation...

Selon Debora Phillips, sexologue. (Tiré du livre « Sexual Confidence : Discovering the Joys of Intimacy ».)

As for that other issue, well, let's just see what is it that's shameful / wrong about masturbation ? Here's a list of ten good things about it :

  1. It's pleasurable. It feels good. It's normal to masturbate. In 1948, a Kinsey survey showed that most people do masturbate (93 % of men, 67 % of women). It is known and agreed in the scientific community that masturbation is normative. Most people do it.
  2. It's not illegal, fattening, or life-shortening. And it's free. (And you can't say that about too many of life's other pleasures.)
  3. Masturbation teaches you about your body and your own sexual responses. You tend to do what it gives you the most pleasure. Knowing what those pleasures are makes it easier to teach someone else how to give you pleasure.
  4. I have never known a couple who had the same sexual drives or needs. So often one wants to and the other doesn't. At those times, masturbation can be a caring considerate compromise. It is also useful and practical when partners are separated or one partner is tired, or when the woman is in the last month of pregnancy.
  5. To keep your sexual capabilities into your 90's, you need to stay sexually active. Masturbation doesn't use up sexual energy any more than running uses up the leg muscles. There will be times in your life when you will need masturbation to stay sexually active.
  6. Self-reliance. Masturbation means that you can enjoy yourself, yourself. You don't have to rely on someone else for sexual pleasure. In fact, the strongest orgasm, physiologically speaking, is apt to be the one with yourself. The reason orgasm in masturbation is so often so intense is probably the instant feedback : you don't have to ask somebody to do this or that faster, slower, softer or harder.
  7. If you are comfortable with your own « self-loving », you are more likely to be comfortable with your children's natural exploratory needs and pleasures.
  8. Masturbation is non-exploitative. You can enjoy sexual pleasures without making demands on someone else.
  9. Masturbation is a good release of sexual tension. It's relaxing, it allows you to give a free range of sexual fantasies, and, as a character in the play « The Boys in the Band » points out, you don't have to look your best.
  10. And finally, masturbation can be a useful therapeutic technique. It's the most efficient way for women to learn to have an orgasm and for men to learn to delay ejaculation.

The list of bad things about masturbation can be summed up in a word : nothing. Except the attitude that masturbation is shameful.
Masturbation is pleasure. And human beings are especially endowed with a great capacity for pleasure. The woman's clitoris, for example, has nothing to do with procreation. The only function a clitoris has is to give pleasure. Isn't remarkable that we humans have been given an organ that is only for sexual pleasure ?

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Enfin, un dernier auteur a écrit...

Selon Manfred F. De Martino, sexologue. (Tiré de l'article « Research on Autoeroticism: An Overall View » dans le livre « Human Autoerotic Practices ».)

  1. Masturbation essentially is not only a « normal » and healthy form of sexual behavior, but it is also useful as a means of learning about one's own sexual responses.
  2. While the great majority of both sexes masturbate at one time or another, more males do so than females (although increasingly more females are doing so) and they generally masturbate more often.
  3. Babies and very young children of both sexes experience genital manipulation as well as deliberate self-stimulation, which at times results in orgasms (orgasms, however, are attained by more young females than males). Moreover, autogenital stimulation during infancy is a positive behavior and appears to be related to a sense of well-being and desirable personality development.
  4. Although a number of children masturbate to the point of orgasm, most youngsters do not engage in deliberate autoerotic behavior until about the time of adolescence.
  5. Both females and males are beginning to masturbate at younger ages than in the past, but which of the sexes is starting to do so earlier still remains an unsettled question.
  6. While at present about 95 % or 96 % of the men in our society experience masturbatory activity at one time or another, the percentage of women who do so is probably around 80 %. And an increasing number of women are indulging in the practice.
  7. Autoerotic activity is engaged in by a considerable number of women and men of advanced age and among the aged the behavior is more prevalent on the part of women than men.
  8. The main way in which females acquire a knowledge about autoeroticism is through self-discovery while males seem to learn about the practice primarily from hearing about it.
  9. There are various reasons why people masturbate and these include specifically sexual ones as well as more complex psychological motives.
  10. The masturbatory techniques utilized by females are much more varied than are the ones employed by males and among other things include the use of the hand or fingers, vibrators, all sorts of elongated objects, penis substitutes, running water, and fruits and vegetables.
  11. The use of fantasy during masturbation while more prevalent among males than females, is experienced by a substantial percentage of females. And more and more females appear to be employing fantasy during self-stimulation.
  12. Sooner or later almost all women learn to achieve an orgasm from masturbatory activity and the average time needed for women to attain an orgasm from masturbation is approximately « a little less than four minutes. » The average time required by males to reach an orgasm from masturbation seems to be « between two and three minutes. » (Kinsey et al., 1948)
  13. Many married women and men masturbate and this is a behavior that is increasing. In the case of women, the use of autoeroticism has a positive rather than a negative effect on their marital sex lives. (The same is probably also true with respect to men.)
  14. The practice of autoeroticism definitely does not inhibit one from engaging in sexual activity with other persons, and with respect to females, the experiencing of sexual intercourse tends to result in an increased use of masturbation.
  15. Wile fewer people presently experience feelings of guilt, shame, fear, and embarrassment in reference to the practice of masturbation than was true in years past, nevertheless, a surprising number still do, including college students. Acceptance of autoerotic behavior is greater among college educated persons and those of upper social levels than among non-college-educated individuals and those of lower social levels. Also, males are generally more accepting of the practice than are females.
  16. Some medical students, residents, and doctors still believe that masturbation causes emotional disorders.
  17. Personality characteristics such as feelings of self-esteem (especially) and security seem to be related to an acceptance of autoeroticism.
  18. Masturbation to the point of orgasm appears to put less strain on one's heart as measured by an increase in heart rate than does coital activity that results in orgasm.
  19. The element of religion, as always, continues to exert a negative influence on the practice of masturbation. Autoeroticism is more prevalent among nonreligious groups of people than among those who are devout.
  20. The use of autoerotic activity is being employed more and more in the treatment programs of women and men who have sexual problems and thus far the therapeutic results achieved have been very encouraging.
  21. Self-disclosure by sex therapists and the like concerning their own masturbatory experiences appears to be a new development that is becoming more widespread.
  22. Diametrically opposed to the attitudes toward masturbation held by authorities of the past, reputable psychotherapists and sexologists are now stating that a lack of masturbatory experience may be related to psychopathology, rather than the practice of autoeroticism.
  23. In the years ahead, it appears certain that « masturbation » will become a household word and its use by babies, children, adolescents, and adults will be viewed in a far more positive light than ever before.

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